On Friday May 24, 2019, Leesa’s journey and fight with cancer came to an end. She is now free from her pain and suffering. She will forever remain in our hearts and memories. Thank you to those that followed and supported her. We Love You Leesa.
https://www.choicememorial.com/memorials/leesa-dolynchuk/3857934/index.php
Well, this second round in Vienna was a much darker time for me than the first. Perhaps it was the urgency in which I needed to fly out, or the constant throwing up that took place before and during most of my time there. Maybe it was the fact that my kids weren’t around so I didn’t feel the need to hide so many of the emotions that I had been pushing down when they were close. No matter what it was, my head was not in the best place and my time in Vienna was filled with a lot of frustration, sadness and a hell of a lot of anger.
Dr. Kleef and his staff were once again amazing at taking care of me, keeping me informed and making sure that I was comfortable. I did a lot of vitamin C+ALA IVs, localized and mild hyperthermia, 2 rounds of immunotherapy, one long duration hyperthermia and 10 rounds of radiation.
The treatments really seemed to break me this time. I was so tired all the time. I could sleep all day and all night. I was barely eating as I couldn’t find anything palatable that I could keep down. (Frustrating to both my mom and I as she was doing her very best to keep me fed). Although the clinic was only a 5 minute walk from our apartment, that 5 minute walk nearly broke me most days. Last time in Vienna and even at the beginning of this trip, I would do the two flights of stairs at the clinic and the three flights at the apartment, no problem. By the end I had to take the elevator every single time. My radiation appointments were Monday – Friday for two weeks. Our taxi would let us out at the hospital and we had a short walk to the radiation department but I was barely making it. Needing to hang onto Mom just to help me along.
We attempted to do Fever Week, however after the first night my levels spiked and I wasn’t able to continue with treatment. And this is where I broke down. My greatest fear heading to Vienna was that I wouldn’t make it back. I didn’t want to start treatment, have something go wrong and then end up being stuck in a hospital there trying to get my family up to say goodbye. I expressed my concerns to both Dr. Kleef and Dr. Robert. They both advised me to trust them and that they would always be open and honest with me but at this time I wasn’t in danger of that.
The next night, the story changed. After discussing, the doctors were afraid that continuing treatment with me at this time could put my liver in danger. Once that happens, everything can go downhill very quickly. After seeing how high my numbers shot up over one night and knowing how strongly I felt, they just couldn’t in good conscious continue and have something go wrong. So they told me I should book a flight for the weekend.
March 2, Mom and I made it home from Vienna. It was a very difficult flight for me and unfortunately I wasn’t able to avoid throwing up on the plane this time. Thank goodness once again for amazing WestJet staff. Since home, things have been rough. My daily routine is pretty much eat, sleep, throw up, repeat. Sometimes that happens within an hour, sometimes I get a longer break. It’s hard on the kids seeing mommy home, but not really here. It’s hard on all of us. So right now I’m just trying to make it through.
I know once again this lack of communication has been tough on my friends and family but I just couldn’t (and honestly still can’t) quite pull myself out of these feelings. All I wanted was space. Space to think, be left alone with my own thoughts, sleep, wallow, cry, space to do whatever I wanted without anyone else in my thoughts. All the cheerleading was starting to make me even more angry. I didn’t want to be told anymore how brave or strong or what a hero I was. It stopped being encouraging and starting frustrating me more because of how I was feeling.
Every text message I received literally made me vomit, so every time one would come through that would anger me as well. I just wanted people to back off. Leave me alone. Forget about me.
I know, it’s a tough thing to ask. Especially when you love someone and I know I wouldn’t do well with that from the other side. And let me say that I KNOW the hearts of everyone that sent me text messages and cards etc. I KNOW they have nothing but good intentions and love in their hearts. So while it frustrated me and made me mad, I always knew it was coming from love and I still have nothing but love for those people. I just hope they can all understand where I’m coming from.
There are still many messages I haven’t even read because I was just too sick to even look and now they’ve been buried in the pile of read but unresponded to messages. I’m just overwhelmed. Trying to figure things out over here in the best way I know how. So I really do apologize if I’ve hurt people’s feelings along the way. But nobody ever told me how hard this would really be. And right now the whole thing is kicking my ass. So please be patient with me. I may not be as open about sharing info anymore. It’s really hard to use my energy updating so many people when I have so little to give right now.
I currently don’t have plans for more treatment. I’m booked with the oncologist on Wednesday but I don’t think I’m willing (and probably not even well enough) to start chemo or any other treatment right now. We have a home care nurse that is going to be stopping by a few times a week which will be helpful. And of course I have my mom, Peter’s mom and my SIL that have all offered to stay with us at different times to help out. We really are blessed to have so much help.
So thank you everyone once again for all that you’ve done. Know that I love and appreciate you all so much and would never have got through this without you. Keep sending all those positive vibes and prayers.
I’m happy to report that Round 2 of my international travel adventures went much smoother than Round 1.
I hadn’t been feeling fantastic on Tuesday so I was still very worried about how I would handle the flight. I loaded up on pain meds, anti-nausea meds and made sure I always had a handy little barf bag within arms reach. Still, the thought of throwing up in public or on a crowded plane was very worrisome. I prayed and prayed that I could just get through the flights.
After a very tearful goodbye to the kids and hubby, Mom and I were headed into the airport ready to tackle this adventure. It still makes me laugh that my poor little 5’2″ mom is loaded up with a cart full of baggage that she can barely see over, while I’m walking along not carrying a thing. To most people, I don’t look sick, so I just look like someone taking advantage of a little old lady. Which is also funny, as most people say my mom looks like my sister. I always assume that just means she looks young and not that I look old. I will hold that assumption forever.
After a quick bag drop we grabbed a wheelchair and headed to security. Once we were there I realized that I had made the choice to wear my partial wig with a hat. Usually you need to take your hat off at security. If I were to take my hat off I would have looked like the balding dude who’s in denial and just grows the sides long. Not a good look for anyone.
I quickly told the lady in security that I had cancer and asked if it was ok to leave the hat on. Thankfully they were gracious enough to let me keep it. Crisis averted.
We grabbed a quick bite to eat and boarded the plane. Although we did sit on the tarmac for an extra 40 min, we weren’t too worried as we still had a 7 hour layover to wait out once we were in London.
Neither Mom nor I expected to sleep on the flight but 2 hours in we were both passed out. Thank goodness for melatonin, ear plugs and sleep masks!
I also have been having a lot of back pain and picked up a hot water bottle for the flight. The flight attendants were nice enough to fill that up for me which was a lifesaver. Somehow the nine hour plane ride seemed to go by faster than any vacation flight I’ve ever been on.
We arrived in London and had wheelchair assistance ready and waiting to whisk us away. Best decision ever to make sure all my flights included this service. Everyone was so awesome. And seeing how far the walk was and how much standing customs would have been, guaranteed I would have been sick before making it through. Wheelchair assistance took us straight over to bag drop for our next flight. We went to check in our bags and realized…we were too early. So now we had two hours to kill with all of our luggage in tow. Whoops!
We found a nice restaurant to hang out in, got some food and played a lively game of Phase 10 while we waited. Of course I won as I’m the master of all games. Also, Mom is very easily distracted which works in my favor. I think she was especially distracted by all the accents. Although we saw none of London, Mom was still adamant it counted as she was immersed in all the accents while at a London pub.
Once we checked into our flight we managed to grab a wheelchair again so we could tour around the airport and look at shops. Then we headed to the special assistance lounge for a game of crib (of course I won this as well) before they drove us to our gate.
This second flight was also extremely uneventful just the way I like it. I couldn’t keep my eyes open and slept the whole way there. Once again, thank goodness for wheelchair assistance who fast tracked us though the airport without us even having to think about where to go. They set us up in our taxi and away we went.
We arrived at our apartment and I could tell Mom was a little wary getting out. It was a dark, narrow street, the buildings aren’t marked the same as they are in Canada and the taxi just stopped in the middle of the street. Had I not already had a Vienna experience, I probably would have been a bit afraid to get out as well. But thankfully, this wasn’t my first rodeo so I took the lead and found the buzzer to meet our host.
As soon as our host, Gebhard, opened the door we both felt 100% at ease. His ultra friendly, smiling face was exactly what we needed to welcome us to Vienna. Our apartment was exactly as advertised: bright and welcoming, tastefully decorated and the perfect home away from home. He had everything we needed including all power converters, charging cables, and even a WiFi printer if we needed to print out schedules or anything else from Dr. Kleef. We found out that he started renting out this apartment specifically for Dr. Kleef’s patients and you can tell that he wants to do everything possible to make sure that we are taken care while here.
(The pics were taken at night so not exactly showing off how bright it is. Last pic is from the apartment website, click if you’d like to see more)
After a good night’s rest we started our first day in Vienna. Now that it’s just Mom and me, I was excited to try some of the restaurants that we walked by everyday on our last visit but would never go into with our kids. So we headed to Cafe Dommayer which is right across the street from Dr. Kleef’s clinic. The cafe had a great atmosphere and the perfect location but after looking at the menu I was reminded again why we never took the kids. While delicious, the options were limited and mostly in German. It’s hard enough taking my kids to a restaurant in general, this would have been a nightmare. But Mom and I enjoyed our light breakfast then headed across the street for my first day back.
We walked in and were immediately greeted by friendly faces welcoming us back. Dr. Kleef was out of the office this week but Dr. Robert was there for my consultation. There was mention of possible surgery and radiation. Neither of which I’m very excited about, but we’ll wait to hear from the specialist and see what Dr. Kleef has to say when he’s back.
Dr. Robert did a quick exam and ultrasound then the nurses took over for bloodwork. Once that was completed I headed to get changed for my first full body mild hyperthermia treatment. Normally by the midway point of this treatment I’m uncomfortable with the heat and just ready to get out, but thanks to jet lag I was so exhausted that I managed to sleep through the whole treatment. When they opened the door to tell me I was done they actually woke me up. A full on nap is not bad way to start my first treatment back.
I went back to the waiting room to grab my mom and the front desk had handed her a package for me. I was extremely confused as I wasn’t expecting anything and they didn’t know what it was either. I was so curious but decided to wait until I got home.
Our apartment really is in the perfect location. It was less than 5 minutes walk to the clinic and all our must have stops are right on the way. We headed back towards the apartment and stopped at the organic grocery store on the way. The grocery store was fabulous. It even had hot lunch options for us to eat before we shopped.
We came home and I felt so great. My treatment went well, the food that I had eaten that day was all sitting well (which is a huge deal), and I managed to make it through grocery shopping and the walk home. Things were looking up. Until I decided I was thirsty and chugging a glass of water would be a good idea. Nope. Nope it wasn’t. There went my food for the day. 😣
Once I settled again, I remembered the package that I had received at the clinic and opened it up. To my surprise, Laurie sent me a European heating pad! Before I left Calgary I had asked her about whether or not I could bring mine from home or whether it would explode. She informed me it would explode so sadly I left it at home. But that thoughtful woman once again saved the day. Yay!
The rest of the day was spent settling in, unpacking and just hanging out with Mom. I think she has her bearings now and we are both feeling comfortable and at home. Hopefully all goes well tomorrow and perhaps I will have some energy to check out some sights this weekend before the hard hitting treatments start. Fingers crossed for a weekend of fun!
It’s been another whirlwind couple of weeks and I can’t say it’s been in a good way. After arriving back to Canada I’ve been trying to get in to see my oncologist so that we can continue treatment while on my break from Vienna. But as with everything in the Canadian Health Care System, it takes time. Way too much time.
Over the last few weeks my health started going a bit downhill. My pain levels skyrocketed and the nausea and vomiting would not let up. I would have a good morning and able to have an outing, but by the afternoon the vomiting would start again. Sometimes only once, sometimes I was laid up for a full day in bed.
I finally managed to get an appointment with my oncologist, who up until this point had been on sabbatical, and we discussed my situation on Jan 24. I had a bad feeling about the guy before I walked in the room as I heard he was not very open minded. As we waited in the room for him to come see Peter and I, I said to Peter “I feel like this room is where hopes go to die.” And this doctor definitely tried to prove me right.
Before the appointment I had some bloodwork done and as I suspected, my numbers had shot up again. Being off treatment completely for over a month was too much for this aggressive cancer.
When the oncologist walked into the room, he was everything I expected: openly condescending and shooting me looks of pity the whole appointment. He completely dismissed any progress that was made during my time in Vienna and told me I wasted my money on treatment. He told me that he wanted to start me on another harsh chemo treatment and when I told him I would still like to stick to my plan that was laid out by Dr. Kleef and that I would be heading back to Vienna in March he closed my file and told me I should just stay in contact with my GP, completely dismissing me. Shocked, I asked him if that was it. He wasn’t even going to deliver low dose chemo for me? He reluctantly reopened the file and said we could do that. But of course that would take more time.
My CT was scheduled for Feb 4, he reschedule me to see him for Feb 12, and then we would start chemo a week or two later. For a guy that is an expert on pancreatic cancer, and keeps telling me all he can offer me is an extra month on the 4-6 month timeline they always throw at me, he sure didn’t seem in any kind of rush delaying my treatment by 2 months. He also left the room not even addressing the fact that I had been vomiting for 2.5 weeks or offering any kind of help. I left the room defeated, confused and angry.
By the weekend my vomiting was getting worse so Peter took me into emerg first thing Monday morning to get some fluids, help with the pain and perhaps speed along the CT so we knew what we were dealing with.
Thankfully, once in the hospital, from the triage nurse to all the doctors that saw me next, I was treated with compassion, had amazing care and not one person there was condescending or rude. They were supportive of the decisions I’ve made so far and so helpful trying to make sure I was taken care of and free of pain.
After being set up with anti nausea meds and pain killers, I told the emerg doctor that I would like the CT sooner than later as I was worried that things had progressed. He understood completely and called for one right away. Of course I had to choose a very busy day so we spent all day in emerg waiting for an opening, but they made sure I was comfortable during the wait.
The CT results came and while I wasn’t super surprised, it was disappointing. The spots on my liver have grown since my CT in September and the cancer has now progressed over to my left kidney and bowel. They were worried I may need a stent for my kidney as well so I was admitted that night.
I spent two nights in the hospital getting multiple blood tests, a chest X-ray and having doctors and surgeons review the results. By Wednesday afternoon I was more than sick of sitting in that hospital room. As soon as the surgeon came in to tell me he wasn’t concerned about my kidney right now, I asked if he had any issues with me going home. He was good with me going home. I then asked if he had any concerns about me traveling to Vienna in this condition. He saw no reason for me not to travel. So I immediately paged my nurse and asked to be discharged. Within half hour I was out of there. (Once again, thank you Mrs. Fick for teaching me to be assertive 😉).
I emailed Dr. Kleef that evening and we had a Skype call early Thursday morning. It was a breathe of fresh air speaking to him again. He shared in my disappointment with the oncologist. “Doesn’t he know this is pancreatic cancer?? It can’t wait. That’s completely irresponsible!” Then calmly went over my results once again from my time in Vienna showing how well the treatments were working and that he knows they will work for me again. He asked that I come as soon as possible back to Vienna as, at this point, March is too long to wait. He wants me to stay a minimum of four weeks.
So I got off the phone and started planning our trip for next week. My mom was already in Calgary helping out since I went into the hospital so it was nice having her there to plan this ultra fast trip to Vienna. So much for me being on the ball and making sure we were all booked in for March. Unfortunately, the apartment we had booked is not available for these early dates which means Airbnb cancellation fees, and Air Canada was not very helpful, so more flight cancellation fees. 😣 But we found an awesome little apartment even closer to the clinic. It’s bright and sunny and I think it will be an even better recovery spot for me. We rebooked our flights through WestJet this time going through London instead of Toronto. So now Mom doesn’t have to be disappointed that she can’t say she’s been in London. I keep telling her it’s only the airport and doesn’t really count but I think it still does to her 😉.
Our flight leaves Tuesday Feb 4 and we will arrive in Vienna Wednesday evening. My first treatment at the clinic will be on Thursday morning. I’m both nervous and excited to get things started again. I’m still in quite a bit of pain and my biggest concern right now is just getting through these plane rides without being a complete wreck. But I know people have done it in worse condition than I’m in. I know I have my mom there to help me along the way. (Although, I’m also counting on the wheelchair assistance because Mom is even more directionally challenged than I am. 😂) And I also know I’m a strong woman and can get through this.
On the bright side, I should look good for all this travel as before all of this started, I decided it was time to get rid of my Christopher Walken look and get fitted for a wig. So even though my body doesn’t feel amazing, I feel more like myself getting my hair back. I also decided to shave my head so when I need to feel badass, I just whip off the hair and go kick some ass. It’s a win win really.
So flights are booked, apartment is waiting, mostly packed, my treatment schedule is up, I think I’m ready to do the damn thing! Vienna, here we go again!
Well, it’s been way too long since my last post. Sorry for the lack of update! And I’m sorry for two reasons:
1) It’s not nice to leave everyone in the dark when I know you’re concerned.
2) I just ended up repeating the same thing 100 times over as people wanted individual updates.
Lesson learned 😜.
My last update left off with two days of treatment remaining in Vienna. As expected, they were completed with no issues.
I had my final consultation with Dr Kleef on Dec. 21 and we brought the kids in the room with us. Dr Kleef looked at my kids and said “You know your mom is getting better, right?” He was met with shrugs and shy smiles. He then continued “It’s true, she’s getting better.” He told me how he was very happy with my bloodwork so far and explained the schedule for coming back to Vienna for treatment: every 3 months for the 1st year, every 4 months for the 2nd year, every 6 months for the third year.
He then paused and said “I believe you’re on your way to remission.” After looking Peter, the kids and me in the eyes he continued “I really mean that. I wouldn’t just say it.” I could tell he was sincere.
I went around the clinic and said goodbye to all the nurses and staff that were so good at looking after me and making me feel cared for in the last 5 weeks. I was going to miss all the smiling faces that made going into the clinic something I didn’t completely dread everyday.
After leaving the clinic, we went back to the apartment to pack up the rest of our belongings and head out to the Vienna airport. And this is where all our issues began. We had been alerted earlier in the day that some asshole decided to fly a drone around London Gatwick airport causing massive delays and cancellations. We checked our flight obsessively and although it looked like our flight was delayed from 8:45pm to 10:45, it looked like we were still going to make it to London. After waiting the extra 2 hours for our flight, we were in line to board and….flight cancelled. Now we were screwed.
We quickly made our way to the easyJet counter to try to figure out what our options were. They told us we needed to rebook and book a hotel and they would refund us. The problem was that our flight from London was leaving at 11:45 the next morning and there were no flights heading to London Gatwick that would get us there in time. Our other option was to rebook our whole route to Calgary. However, after just spending all the money we did in Vienna, we didn’t even have available money to spend $12,000 (Hooray for Christmas travel!) on new flights.
I broke down into tears in the middle of the airport. All I wanted was to get home. After shaking it off and trying to think logically we quickly looked at an airport hotel so we could have a place to sit down and put the kids to bed while we figured out our dilemma. We booked one quickly and made our way over there.
Finding the hotel seemed like an adventure in itself. Somehow we got turned around in the airport and ended up touring every floor of the parking garage just trying to get to a floor where we could reach the hotel. Once we got there we opened the doors to see the crazy amount of people checking in due to the cancelled flights. A half hour wait and we finally made it to the front. I got our key, we headed to the room, opened the door and…there’s no linens on the bed. Peter opens the door to the bathroom and…there’s no bathroom. Everything has been completely ripped out for renovation.
So now I’m tired, I’m extremely frustrated, in quite a bit of pain, and am scared that they are going to run out of rooms to give us. I quickly storm to the front desk, bypass the line and go back to the front desk clerk that helped me. I laid down my key card and assertively informed her that I just went to my room and there were no linens and no bathroom at all.
I’m standing there obviously frustrated and tired (but far from belligerent or angry) and in steps the man who nearly got the first throat punch I’ve ever dished out. He looks at me and tells me in the most condescending tone that “you just need to caaaalm down. Just calm down we’re all the same situation.”
Has any man ever successfully got a woman to calm down by telling her to “calm down”? He obviously wasn’t married. I looked at him, told him that I have cancer, I’m in a LOT of pain right now and just need my room. (Which was really only a small part of our story). He looks at me and without even pausing he says “oh me too.” I immediately give him an eyebrow raise and he continues to say something like (I can’t be completely clear as I was fuming and trying to decide whether to give into my urge to punch him) “just calm down, your negativity is just going to manifest in your body. Just stay calm.” He then continued the conversation he was having on his phone in German while looking at me, rolling his eyes and, I’m sure, making some kind of snotty remark. Perhaps it was Izak standing next to me with wide eyes, or the thought that punching this guy may leave us without a room, but somehow, SOMEHOW, I managed to keep my fists by my side. Good decision? I still can’t decide.
We did manage to get a new room for the four of us containing two twin beds. We pushed the beds together and thankfully no one fell out during the night. Of course Peter and I couldn’t get any shuteye before we figured out how to make it to London before our next flight. With the help of Laurie, who got us on a British Airways flight to London Heathrow using points, we had a plan and Peter drifted off to sleep. I, on the other hand, spent all night thinking of all the things I SHOULD have said to the jackass from earlier. 😝
This new flight we were on was a bit of a long shot to get us to our second flight in time. It landed within 2 hours of our check in closing for our second flight AND it was at a different airport in London about an hour away.
We pulled out all the stops. Laurie booked us a private car to meet us so we could get to Gatwick as fast as we could. To make sure we got through customs as quickly as possible I made sure to ask for wheelchair assistance. It saved me from stopping a few times to sit down before we got to customs, and also saved us the customs lineup altogether. We were doing great. We got to the spot where we were supposed to meet our driver and we couldn’t find him. Peter and the kids walked around a bit while I made a quick call to see where he was. He came over immediately. Peter and Ayla following right after but then…where’s Izak? My son decided to take off on his own in the middle of a busy airport in a different country and look for this driver on his own. At first I was annoyed, then I was scared, and when we found him a few minutes later I was relieved for half a second before that was replaced with my desire to pummel him. GAH!
We then got in the car and went for the ride of our life with the fastest cab driver ever. I was both happy we got a fast driver and scared for my life. Unfortunately, as amazing as he was, we didn’t make the flight in time.
Again, I’m exhausted, I’m discouraged, not feeling great, and just really wanting to get home. We find the WestJet counter and I ask them if there was any way we could still make our flight. The plane hadn’t left yet but we were well past the check in deadline. She told us that unfortunately that wasn’t possible and for the second time, I started crying in an airport. We asked what our options were and she started looking up options. Another employee came over, heard our story and jumped in to help. She made sure we were on the flight the next day and waived the change fee for us. She even went the extra mile trying a few different ways to get us on one of the rescue flights that were leaving earlier the next day. Although that couldn’t happen, we were so happy to have a new plan and not have to pay for these new flights.
Laurie continued her trend as friend of the year and booked us a hotel that was literally 20 steps from the WestJet check-in where we were standing. We checked in at the hotel and sat down to eat what we all considered the best nachos ever. (I assure you these were not the best nachos ever. That was exhaustion and hunger talking. But they hit the spot.) The rest of our day consisted of napping, trying to reduce the size of the giant cankles I acquired during the flight, and more eating.
After a good nights sleep we were ready to finish off Airport Tour 2018. We checked in to our flight and were relieved to have no issues and a flight that was leaving on time. Izak was very happy to have to not only do the body scan, but also needed a pat down because it was showing something was on his ankle. They gave him a bunch of stickers that he stuck all over his body and then we continued on our way. On this leg to Toronto I started a cross stitch that accurately said what I would have liked to say to a few people that made our journey so far a difficult one.
Our flight was uneventful and we made it to Toronto on time and ready for this last leg to Calgary. Again, everything was smooth for this flight and with great relief we finally landed in Calgary on Dec 23. It took 2 hotels, 2 one hour taxi/Uber rides to airports, 1 cancelled flight, 1 missed flight, 3 flights home through 5 airports for a total of 57 hours (30 hours later than planned) but Airport Tour 2018 was finally complete.
My step dad picked us up from the airport while my mom waited at home with our very anxious and excited dog. We walked in the door and were almost knocked over from all the excited jumping…and then the dog came over to greet us. 😉
My parents stayed to celebrate Christmas with us. They basically hosted us in our own home as they did all the shopping, prepping, cooking and cleanup while we just tried to get over the jet lag. It was all a bit of a whirlwind as our tree setup and Christmas Eve traditions were rolled into one. I was also quite sick for a few days after, which didn’t help with the Christmas joy. But we were home. And man oh man did my bed feel good. I knew I had a comfy bed, but I had no idea how good it was until I went away for 5 weeks. Bliss.
My time since I’ve been home has definitely had its ups and downs. I’ve had a few great days and quite a few really sick days. My hair is thinner and so gray and crazy that I’ve scared myself a few times when passing the mirror as I think it’s Christopher Walken staring back at me. But I’m making it through.
The biggest question everyone wants to know? What are your next steps? Well, Dr. Kleef would like me to do low dose chemo and immunotherapy while I’m in Calgary. I’m currently trying to get that started with my oncologist but like everything in the Canadian health care system, it doesn’t happen fast. Meanwhile, I’m booked in for blood tests and a CT in the next few weeks so we can see how things are sitting there.
I’ve booked a return trip to Vienna for my mom and I. We will be heading back March 19 for three weeks. I have my treatment schedule and it looks like it’s going to be a short but hard hitting treatment so I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I’ll be well enough to be able to show Mom some of the sights in Vienna and her time won’t just be spent cleaning out my barf bucket 😣.
I’m so happy to be back and have loved all the visits I’ve had with friends so far. I’m definitely looking forward to the next few months of getting back to normal life for a bit.
Thank you again to everyone who sent us prayers, positive vibes, the countless amounts of help, fundraisers, and really anything they possibly could to make our life easier and get us to Vienna and back for this first round. We couldn’t have done it without you.
Fever week has come and gone and I have to say I was completely off base about what it would be like. I originally thought I would be living like a pod person for the week in my hyperthermia chamber, sweating it out for 6 hours a night under sedation and then barfing my guts out during the day. Turns out there was no hyperthermia involved in fever week at all.
I also pictured this in patient clinic to be a run down hospital setting with hospital gowns and hospital smells and hospital food. After my surgery in August, the thought of staying in a hospital at all gives me anxiety. Instead, we were brought to a suite attached to Dr Kleef’s private residence. There was one other patient and her sister staying at the clinic during our stay. We each had large, bright, private rooms with a very comfy bed and large windows that looked out to the garden. There was a large shared bathroom, living room and kitchen area.
Every morning we had a breakfast spread of fruit, cheese, smoked salmon, hard boiled eggs, wasa bread, buns and muesli. For lunch a chef would come in and make us a delicious meal and we would have leftovers for dinner. Dinner was supposed to be light as the evening treatments can make you nauseous.
During the day one of the nurses from the main clinic would stay and monitor us. In the evening Dr Kleef and/or Dr Robert would stop by to check in on us, talk about our results and make sure all was good to go ahead with treatment that evening. Once our treatment was started, the night nurse would take over and monitor us throughout the night.
The treatment itself was immunotherapy. An IV was given every evening around 6:30. The goal was to raise my temperature to 39-39.5° every night. My first night they inserted a catheter which was left in all week. Then came the fun part…the nightly rectal probe. My temperature was monitored through a rectal thermometer that had to be left in all night. An ECG was used to monitor my heart and I also had a blood pressure cuff that stayed on all night and would routinely check my blood pressure. Needless to say, it wasn’t the easiest to move or sleep with so many things attached to my body.
The first night was a bit rough as I had severe back pain and couldn’t find a comfortable position to lay in. Thankfully, we upped my pain meds and fixed that. Surprisingly I was not nauseous from the treatment. I’d heard nausea was very common and with my nausea record lately I was very surprised I wasn’t sick to my stomach.
During the day I was unhooked from all the machines and we were free to move about the suite or go for a walk. However the weather was not cooperating so we chose to stay in. I really wasn’t expecting to feel that good or have that much free time. I finished two cross stitch projects in two days. Peter got in some full work days and we managed to have some New Girl marathon sessions.
The second and third night were much better for sleeping. My temperature got nice and high and the doctors were very happy with my blood results and my body’s reaction to the treatment. The third night as we were getting ready to get hooked up to the machine the nurse looks at me, rectal thermometer in hand and says in her German accent “Let’s do the most wrong thing first”. I had to laugh and loved that she could make light of the fact that this was not a comfortable situation for anyone.
The fourth night is when everything went a bit downhill. I had extreme constipation that all of a sudden gave me severe stomach cramps and I couldn’t stop vomiting. The pain was so bad they had to switch to a different pain med that unfortunately also reduced my temperature so I wasn’t able to stay in my fever state as long that night. I also broke out into a full body rash which, although isn’t super fun to deal with, is actually a great sign of my immune system responding to the immunotherapy so Dr. Kleef was very happy with that.
Friday morning it was time to leave the in patient clinic but because my pain was still so bad, and I hadn’t had a bowel movement, I had to go straight to the main clinic for the super fun treatment of colon hydrotherapy. As if my ass hadn’t been through enough with my nightly rectal probe, I now had to have a tube shoved up there to give me a nice little cleansing enema while the nurse massaged my stomach to get things moving. While the website describes this as “extremely pleasant and soothing” I was just done having things shoved up my ass. But it did the trick.
The rest of the weekend was pretty rough. I was so nauseas, had a monster headache, the rash was extremely itchy and I was having trouble sleeping. I had been told that I should expect to still feel side effects from fever week all weekend so I wasn’t surprised but it didn’t make it any easier to get through.
To make matters worse, the kids are more than done being away from home. Everyone is so homesick so the fighting is torturous. The tears (and swearing) in this apartment the last week have been a bit insane. But we are almost through.
I had my last immunotherapy treatment yesterday, which once again made me barf my guts out but at least I expected it. And that should be my last tough treatment! I have full body hyperthermia tomorrow. And I finish off my treatments Friday with local hyperthermia, vitamin C/ALA and chemo and my final consultation with Dr. Kleef. Then it’s home time!!!!
I can’t wait to be home. The amount of tears I’ve cried just thinking about hugging my friends and family and sleeping in my own bed is kind of embarrassing. We are all very much looking forward to this break and getting back to a sense of normalcy.
I’m so very fortunate to be able to be here in Vienna to get my treatment and restore my hope and I’m also extremely fortunate to have people waiting to welcome me back home. 3 more days!
Well this week has definitely been the hardest week yet, which is probably leading into an even harder week. But all in the name of healing! I’m a tough cancer fighting warrior chick and nothing is going to hold me down. Or something like that like.
So let’s break it down this week…
Monday was once again my easy day. Blood tests, local hyperthermia and Vitamin C/ALA IVs.
Tuesday was my second immunotherapy day followed by 90 minutes of moderate whole body hyperthermia. This day usually starts off good. Netflix or reading helps to pass the 5 hours of IV time before I head to the hyperthermia bed. I started reading Amy Schumer’s Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo. Oh man, that book had me laughing so hard but I also felt slightly awkward sitting in a room full of old people reading a pretty crude book with a naked Amy Schumer on the front. I guess I’m just helping to bring some more life to the room.
I started feeling the nausea part way through the immunotherapy treatment again. By the time I got to the hyperthermia bed I wasn’t completely sure I’d make it through without barfing. Thankfully I did. Then managed to have my shower and head home.
Wednesday was my first chemotherapy treatment. When I first arrived at the clinic I had brought my tumor for testing. It was determined that Gemcitabine would be an effective treatment as well as Curcumin on the natural side of things. The chemo was given at a 50% dose and gemcitabine is supposed to be one of the easiest tolerated chemos so I wasn’t too worried. I didn’t seem to have any bad effects that day. Which is great because it was also Peter’s birthday on Wednesday!
It was a long day of treatment for me but I managed to run over to the bakery across from the clinic on the way home and picked up a delicious Truffle Torte to celebrate. We decided we’d go out for supper as well and picked the most Viennese place we knew…McDonald’s. Ok so perhaps we are less about authentic food and more about “where can we go that the kids won’t cry because they hate the food and we won’t get frustrated because we don’t know what the food is?” So yeah, McDonald’s for the win. Then home for delicious dessert. The pic doesn’t do it justice, and I didn’t get a chance to buy candles, but damn did it taste good!
Thursday was the day we brought in the big guns. Long duration hyperthermia under sedation. 6 hours in the hyperthermia chamber raising my body temp to 39°C. I was a little nervous as I wasn’t sure what to expect. I knew how tough the 90 minutes could be, I couldn’t imagine 6 hours. But that’s where the sedation comes in.
The doctor explained the whole process to me. He told me my legs would have to be strapped down so that I didn’t move around while sedated and end up touching them to the heat lamps. I wanted to make sure that laying on my side was still possible though…nope. I had to be on my back the whole time. This put me into panic mode as I can’t lay on my back for more than 10-15 min without a lot of pain. He assured me I wouldn’t notice at all because of the sedation.
Once in the bed I was given a shot in my stomach and a shot in my ass (both hurt like a son-of-a-bitch!) then they gave me sedation through my port. The next thing I remember I was waking up super groggy and laying in the hyperthermia bed with it partially open and no heat on. Hooray for sedation! I missed all of the heat!
They made me lay in the bed for awhile longer and then I was finally allowed to get up. I felt completely drunk. The doctor made sure I could stand and walk on my own and then let me head to the shower. They asked if I had someone to come get me because I would be out of it for awhile. Unfortunately Peter had went exploring with the kids and I couldn’t get ahold of him.
I finished my shower and started to make my way home. Slowly. And very much looking like the town drunk. I stumbled most of the way home in the dark making some lovely zigzag patterns and then all of a sudden Peter and Ayla appeared as I was about to climb the stairs to cross the tracks. Thank goodness because there are a LOT of stairs and I’m not sure if this drunkard would have made it.
As soon as we walked in the door I immediately went to my bed and crashed. Peter kept asking me questions and like the drunk I was, I mumbled my answers and when he couldn’t understand my drunken slurs I became completely belligerent. Oh how he must have missed dealing with a drunken Leesa these last 6 months. Good times.
I slept straight through (minus a couple barf episodes) until 8am the next morning when I had to get up and be at my 9am appointment. Thankfully it was just local hyperthermia and IVs again so I could just nap through my appointment. After my IV was complete I quickly ran to throw up again and then caught sight of my appearance in the mirror. Good Lord!! My face was so puffy. It looked like I had a black eye and my one eyelid looked half shut. There would be no selfies happening today, that’s for sure.
I had my weekly meeting with Dr. Kleef and we chatted about blood results. Everything was still looking good however my cancer markers did go up. He told me to put that right out of my mind. The cancer markers are not the only thing we look at. He said that it can take months for any real changes to take place there and it had only been a couple weeks so I needed to stop worrying about things when there was no need to worry. He told me to trust him. And once again mentioned Terri and how Terri never had any doubt that he was going to get better. A positive attitude can make a world of difference and I needed to focus on the things that matter: my kids, my husband, the life I have with them and being in this beautiful city!
He was right of course and all I really wanted was his assurance that seeing those numbers didn’t mean everything. So once again I left his office feeling so much better and ready to take on the next set of treatments.
Of course I still had to get through this sickness… I came home and went back to bed to rest. Did some marathon Netflix watching, more barfing and really wishing I could eat some food that would stay down. But as crappy as those few days were, I never once felt the way I did with chemo. I knew I needed to rest, and I knew there would be throwing up, but it wasn’t the “never ending, hurts so bad I would do anything to make it stop” kind of sickness that chemo gave me. For this I was extremely grateful.
Saturday I felt a million times better. I managed to get some food down and the nausea was gone. I still used it as a rest day and stayed in and did some Netflix binging while Peter took the kids back to Prater. In hindsight, I should have got up and out of the apartment, but it just didn’t happen.
And then there’s today, the big day we’ve been waiting for, Laurie is coming! Laurie, my oldest friend (in time that I’ve known her, not age) will be staying with the kids at the apartment while Peter stays with me next week during fever week. I’m thankful I get to spend some time with her before I’m off for my treatments and the kids are extremely excited to be spending the week with her.
I’m not sure how I’ll be feeling next week to do updates as fever week means daily long duration hyperthermia with sedation. I may be fine, I may be a complete zombie the whole time. But as mentioned at the beginning of this blog, I imagine this will be my absolute hardest week yet. So please think of me and pray for me that I make it through without too much trouble. Also think of Laurie, pray for Laurie, a week with my kids is no easy task. Lord help her. 😜
Writing about our second week in Vienna seems strange as I feel like I’ve been here for ages. Perhaps it’s the routine that makes it feel longer, or the fact that I’m missing everyone back home. Either way, saying “week 2” seems wrong. But alas, we have just finished our second week and I’m here to tell you about it!
Once again, the week at the clinic started off with routine blood tests followed by localized hyperthermia and Vitamin C/ALA IVs. Easy peasy day.
That evening Peter and I decided to get serious about figuring out our game plan for coming home. Dr. Kleef said it would be a few weeks before he would know when I’d have to be back after the Christmas break, but that we would be on break from treatment from Dec 21 until Jan 7. We decided that it would be best for everyone to head home for Christmas. The kids were really homesick and it would be nice to spend time with friends and family over the holidays. We also decided that when it’s time for me to come back for treatment, the kids would stay in Canada and I would either come back by myself or bring one person along with me. Now that I know the area and the routine, being here by myself wouldn’t be a big deal and would beat fighting their boredom constantly.
Peter and I got to work trying to find a flight for Dec 22 which is no easy task! Christmas flights are terrible and crazy expensive. I definitely could have used a drink (or 5) trying to figure those flights out. Peter brought me tea. Not exactly what I had in mind but unfortunately that’s all I’m drinking these days. He also brought me European chocolate. That did actually help. After a lot of frustration we found a couple great flights at a decent price that get us home the afternoon of Dec 22. Yay! We’re so looking forward to being able to come home, see friends and family and have our regular Christmas traditions.
Tuesday at the clinic we started a new treatment of immunotherapy. This is a 6 hour IV and we did 1.5 hours of moderate whole body hyperthermia in between. While hooked up to the IV I did some reading and was interrupted when someone came in the room and asked “English?”. I looked up to see a new patient and responded that yes I speak English. We got chatting and it turns out she’s from Saskatchewan, also has stage IV pancreatic cancer and came to the clinic after hearing Terri’s story as well. What a coincidence! It was nice to have someone so close to home to chat with.
Before I started my whole body hyperthermia, where I like to pretend I’m on a beach just sitting in the hot sun, the nurse came over to me wearing hand lotion that smelled like Mexico. Mood set. Now if only she’d bring me a margarita…
I got changed into my bathrobe to head into the hyperthermia room but this time I was in a different room with a different hyperthermia bed. Instead of a mesh hammock this was a regular bed with a zip up tent over top so that I was fully enclosed.
Inside my zipped up enclosure it looked like a giant thermal bag. I felt like a pizza out for delivery. As the heat was turned up this poor little pizza felt very over cooked. The sweat was pouring off my back so much that it literally felt like I was standing under the shower. Just when I thought it would never end, the lights turned off and I could feel my little pizza bag cooling down. I’ll never look at pizza delivery the same.
After my shower I headed back to the IV room where I finished off the last of the IVs. I went home feeling ok but started feeling worse as the day went on. Nausea was taking hold once more. Thankfully it wasn’t chemo grade nausea but it definitely knocked me out for the rest of the day.
The next day I woke up feeling worse. It took all I had to walk the 10 minutes to the clinic. Thankfully it was another easy day of localized hyperthermia and Vitamin C/ALA. They checked my temperature before I started my treatment and sure enough I had a fever. Later, when talking to Dr. Kleef about the side effects he was very happy. Those side effects mean it’s working.
Another new one on the list for us this week was mistletoe injections. Once my IV was complete the nurse showed me how to give myself the injections. I’d done them a few times through my naturopath at home before he started putting the mistletoe in my IV bag, so this was not new to me. Do I love jabbing myself with needles? Not so much. But I’d also rather be doing this than puking non stop for 10 days. So I’m not going to complain!
That evening we had planned to take the kids to Prater, the big amusement part here, but I just wasn’t feeling up to it. The nausea was still with me pretty bad. So Peter took the kids solo and let me rest for the day.
Thursday I was feeling better and we did another whole body hyperthermia treatment. This one was on the mesh bed and seemed way easier this time. Perhaps I’m just getting used to it? Or maybe I just prefer to be a Christmas present wrapped in gold foil instead of a pizza taken for delivery?
That evening I had an appointment with the cardiologist to make sure my heart was good enough for some of the treatments we are doing. I quickly realized I’m not in Canada anymore when the doc tells me “take off your top and lay on the bed”. No gown, no sheet, just me laying there topless and feeling super awkward. Once I got over that initial shock all went well.
I was happy when I saw that my stress test would be on a bike and not a treadmill. I can’t walk for very long before the pain starts so I wasn’t sure how I’d complete a stress test. Thankfully there were no issues with pain on the bike. Which also means I have a good way to get in some cardio when I return to Canada. I passed the test with flying colors. No heart issues for this gal.
Friday was another localized hyperthermia and IV. After my treatments we had our weekly consult with Dr. Kleef to go over my bloodwork. Once again everything looked good and the numbers we want to drop are still dropping. Unfortunately there was a mix up with the lab so we were unable to see my cancer markers. This made Dr. Kleef pretty upset and we got to hear him tearing a strip off someone at the lab. I have to say this was pretty amusing from our end. I find German to be a language that sounds a little bit harsh at the best of times, so listening to someone get angry on the phone in German, especially someone who is normally so sweet and kind, was pretty hilarious. Probably not so much to the person on the receiving end of the tongue lashing…
As I felt so much better on Friday, we decided to head out to the Schönbrunn Christmas Market since we knew it was actually open this time. It was pretty cold for Vienna, apparently record lows for this time of year (about -5C), so we bundled up and headed out. The Christmas market was gorgeous as suspected. I really liked this one as it was so open and didn’t feel crowded at all like the last one.
We were told that a mug of Glühwein at the Christmas Markets is a must, so Peter decided to indulge. I had a sip and thought it was absolutely delicious. It left me REALLY wishing I could have my own mug. We checked out the rest of the market and decided our treat for the night would be candied nuts. Yum yum. 
On the way home we were freezing so we decided we should start jogging to warm up faster. Now I haven’t jogged since before my pain started this year. I attempted to do a little jog in the backyard in June at one point, took two steps and stopped because it hurt so bad, so I didn’t expect this to go well. I’m happy to report that we jogged for about 2 blocks and I had zero pain. And I walked the whole way home from Schönbrunn without having to stop once due to pain. I felt incredible!
The next day we went to city center to check out the Museum of Illusions. Unfortunately for me, there was a bit of a lineup outside before getting into the museum and then no place to sit once inside. This definitely took it’s toll on me. Perhaps I had pushed it too much the night before but my back was just not liking me at all.
The museum was pretty fun. The kids were having a blast checking out the different exhibits and taking pictures with all the illusions.
Once we finished there we walked over to City Hall for the Vienna Christmas World on Rathausplatz.
I was very excited to see this market but this was just not my day. Shortly after arriving I tried to find a place to sit. The market was absolutely packed. We lost Peter and Izak and Ayla had to try to lead me around through the crowds to find somewhere to go. It was so crowded, the pain was getting so bad and there wasn’t a single spot to sit. My panic started to rise and then I started to hyperventilate. I was having my first serious panic attack and it was not good. Ayla was such a trooper helping to get me through that crowd until we made it to the steps of City Hall and found a bench for me to sit on.
Dizzy and weak but ready to go, we pushed through the crowd once again to try to find Peter and Izak again. Thankfully Izak does a lot of dawdling at these markets so we found them in almost the same spot that we left them. We decided food was needed so we grabbed some frankfurters (definitely part of the cancer diet along with all other Christmas market food) and went back up and found a bench to sit on.
We left shortly after without seeing any of the booths, or going skating on the outdoor rink as we’d told the kids we would do. Another day…
After the craziness of the day before, and my back still feeling very off, we decided to make Sunday an at home day. We spent the day lounging, cross stitching and playing games. I had taught the kids to cross stitch the day before and it’s been nice having them turn to another quiet activity to keep boredom at bay in the apartment.
And that’s the end of another week in Vienna. So grateful to be here and so grateful for all that’s happening behind the scenes at home to make it possible for me to be here. ❤️
Our first week in Vienna has come and gone. It’s been a week of getting our bearings. Figuring out the quirks of Vienna living and dealing with the quirks of living with each other in such close quarters in Vienna. Both have been interesting.
My first treatment at the clinic was on Wednesday. We started off with blood tests to get a baseline for treatment. Hedy, my nurse, asked if I wanted some orange juice as she didn’t want me to get faint. I’ve had many blood tests before so I smiled and said I’d be fine. She started taking blood in the first tube, then another tube, then another… I glanced at the tray and realized this was not stopping anytime soon. Besides my times actually donating blood, I have never had that much blood taken at once. Yeah ok, some orange juice would be great. 😳
Once the blood tests were done we headed to another room where I was set up for localized hyperthermia and Vitamin C and ALA IVs. Both of these were pretty easy. For hyperthermia, I lay on a very comfy bed and have plates on my front and back directing heat at my core. It’s nice and warm and I end up taking a nap during the hour of treatment. The IV is hooked up during this time through my port. Once the hour is up I move to a different room to finish up the IVs. Easy peasy for day 1.
Thursday was my first treatment of moderate whole body hyperthermia. For this treatment I lay on what looks like a mesh hammock bed. A wire cage is placed over top of me and then it’s covered in what looks like gold foil wrap then topped with a sheet. Heat is directed at my body from underneath the bed. For the first 30 min they set the power to 30%. It felt warm and comfortable but not too hot. The next 30 min they turned it up to 60%. Now I was sweating. A lot. I glanced at the machine and it showed my temperature was up to 37.6 Celsius. I pictured myself on a nice beach in Mexico. Usually when I’m on a nice beach in Mexico and I started to sweat this much I’d go jump in the water to cool down. Unfortunately that was not an option here. For the last 30 min they turned the heat back down to 30%. What felt like a warm sauna before now felt like a cool breeze washed over me. Treatments for day 2 were complete and I felt like I just came from a relaxing spa.
Friday was once again localized hyperthermia and Vitamin C/ALA IVs. The nap was welcomed as I hadn’t been sleeping very well. Once treatments were done we had a meeting with Dr. Kleef to go over my blood test results from the beginning of the week.
When we walked in, Dr. Kleef told us about some research he was working on. He then got very passionate about the politics of cancer care and the cost of bringing new treatments to be used in mainstream medicine. It’s frustrating that people can be treated at his clinic and he can cure them, but he can’t get people to look at his work enough to fund the research and be able to bring it to the public. If he can cure people at his “shitty clinic” (his words), imagine what could be done if they brought the treatments to a larger cancer center?
But back to the blood test results…it was all good news. It looks as though my treatments at the naturopath in Calgary were working! This is fantastic as everything we were doing there is part of our treatments in Vienna. My cancer markers were down from 1638 to 1202. My liver function is looking good and my immunity was up much higher than expected. I was so happy to head into the weekend on such a positive note.
That evening we decided it was time to actually head out and explore Vienna. I’d heard such great things about the Christmas markets and Schönbrunn Palace is only a 15 min walk from the apartment so we ventured out to check out the Schönbrunn Christmas Market.
It was a great night and seeing the palace all lit up was quite the sight! We walked up to the gate and were about to head in but we were quickly stopped by the security guard who told us the palace was closed and the market didn’t start until the next night. Whoops! The kids were NOT happy with me. #momfail. Ayla immediately got her pout on a stormed off in front of us. I was determined not to let it ruin the night so I let her go and cool off while Peter and I laughed at being such parenting failures.
We decided to do a little window shopping and came across a cute little chocolate shop. So little in fact that in order to walk past someone in the shop you had to turn sideways and suck in your gut. Thanks chemo for helping me drop that extra 20lbs 😉. Chocolate cures all, including bad moods, so our night was saved.
We came back to the apartment, threw in a couple frozen pizzas (I’m sure frozen pizza is part of the cancer diet), and then had a games night.
Saturday was our first full day to explore so I wanted to make the most of it. We jumped on the train and headed to city center. The architecture is so incredible in this city. I’m just in awe seeing it all in person.
We decided to hit up the Haus der Musik. As soon as we walked in and saw the piano staircase, we knew we made the right choice. Izak immediately tried to compose a song and probably could have stayed in that spot all day had we let him.
After a few hours checking out the interactive exhibits we decided it was time for lunch. The kids were so excited to see McDonalds and Burger King. I kiboshed those choices immediately. We are not coming to Vienna city center to eat at Burger King and McDonalds!
After a schnitzel lunch we walked around some more and then went to Christmas Village at Maria-Theresa Square. Such a beautiful location. We had to make sure Izak, the little wanderer, stayed close as it was crazy busy. But it was so fun to be in the middle of it. The smells were delicious, the lights and atmosphere were magical. After wandering around we each grabbed a sweet treat and then headed for home.
We decided to make Sunday Zoo Day. Walking through the gardens at Schönbrunn to get to the zoo was once again so pretty. It was a little chilly so I was so thankful for the indoor exhibits to give us a break from the cold. The kids said the aquarium was their favorite part of the zoo. We spent a lot of time looking at jelly fish and other strange and colorful aquatic beasts. Personally, I was excited to see the koala, unfortunately he was taking a big nap when we tried to visit. Next time koala, next time.
The adventures of the weekend gave me more exercise than I’ve had in months. I hadn’t hit 10,000 steps since September, but Friday I hit 10,200, Saturday 11,300 and Sunday I made it to 13,000! I was very happy that I was able to push myself with minimal amounts of pain. Once again it confirmed that I made the right choice for treatment. My test results look good, I’m getting out and enjoying life and just feeling so much better in general. It was a fantastic first week and I’m looking forward to what week 2 has in store.
The week leading up to our departure was a bit of a gong show. A good gong show, but a gong show nonetheless. Time to get in all the last minute appointments, canceling the appointments I wouldn’t be here for, picking up my tumor (yeah, you read that right), squeezing in as many visits as possible, scratching off a long overdue bucket list item, and oh yeah, packing, can’t forget packing for a minimum of 5 weeks. It’s amazing all the things you can fit into one week when you’re about to flee the country.
A couple friends and I had been chatting for at least a year and a half about getting costumes to recreate the wavey arms guy we so often see in front of businesses. We saw a video that cracked us up and just had to try it for ourselves. Well Wednesday was finally the day! I was picked up and taken to an undisclosed location where we were met by three other friends to help us act like the donkeys we are. I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. So. Much. Fun!
As I walked in the door from this bucket list item, the phone rang. It was a friend saying she’d sent my story to CBC and they wanted to run it the next day for Pancreatic Cancer Awareness day. I had to call the journalist right away to chat if I wanted it to go ahead. I was completely unprepared but called anyway. I quickly realized that I was not meant to do interviews and should just stick to writing my thoughts instead. The article came out the next day and although the title was a little dramatic and I wasn’t entirely happy they quoted me as saying Terri was in “non partial remission” (What the hell is non partial remission? I most definitely did not say that), it was great for Pancreatic Cancer Awareness and I was happy to get an even further reach with my story.
Friday was the start of more shenanigans when my best friends since grade 5 flew in to see me. There’s nothing like the laughter of inside jokes shared with longtime friends. The following day Peter’s best friends came up to kidnap him for the day. Because a house full of people the day before you leave to fly across the world is smart right? Perhaps not, but it was fun. And we all definitely needed the laughs. At least Peter was organized enough to pack the day before, and my friends were awesome enough to help me pack. I’m pretty helpless in the packing department and one of my friends is a world traveler so that worked in my favor.
Sunday was go day. We said goodbye to all our friends, did the last minute suitcase shuffle and then we were on our way. Our first flight was a 9 hour red eye to London – Gatwick. The upside: the plane wasn’t full and there happened to be some middle rows completely empty so we stole one and took turns laying down and sleeping. The downside: the flight left an hour late and we missed our Monday connection from London to Vienna. 
After some phone calls, the travel company booked us new flights for Tuesday morning and paid for our hotel and meals for the night in London. Thankfully Dr. Kleef was able to move my consultation later in the day on Tuesday as I was now unable to make the Tuesday morning appointment.
We did our best to fight the jet lag and stay awake until 9pm London time. The 7hr time difference is tough, but we did it. The next morning we were up and at the airport, ready to fly.
After the long day of travel already and so much standing in line, my body wasn’t doing very well so I opted to get a wheelchair in the airport. This worked out well for a few reason. First, it was way more comfortable for me. Second, it provided a ton of entertainment and energy burning for my kids who thought it would be fun to race mommy around the airport. We toured that airport at record speeds, multiple times. There were a few times that I was sure I was going to be flying out of that wheelchair as Izak ran and hit all the bumps along the way. Thankfully I managed to stay upright, as did all the other people in the airport that we whipped past.
Our next flight was uneventful. Although I hope there weren’t any passengers with a fear of flying as Izak likes to loudly declare things like “it looks like the wings are going to fall off!”
Our flight arrived at 3:00 and I had to be at Dr Kleef’s office for a 4:00 consult. We walked into the airport and saw the line for customs and I was pretty sure we weren’t going to make it. Knowing that I can’t stand for very long, I grabbed a wheelchair and we waited. Apparently this was the best move I could make because shortly after, an airport staff member came over and wheeled me to the front of the line and through customs. He then continued to help us while we got our luggage and even set us up with a taxi. It was fantastic! We made it to Dr. Kleef’s office right on time. Unfortunately we also had all our luggage with us and had to haul it up the two floors to his office.
Dr. Kleef was as warm and friendly as he seemed from our Skype consult. We went over my treatment so far in Canada. He shook his head “Folfirinox…it’s the same for everyone! I could teach the janitor how to treat pancreatic cancer in 5 minutes the way they treat it there.” He then talked about all the testing we would be doing so that we could individualize my treatment. Which brings me to the tumor sample I had to pick up. He promptly took the sample and we sent it away that evening for specialized testing.
Dr Kleef looked at me again and said, “I don’t believe in this ‘incurable’ shit. But I also can’t guarantee I can cure you. Either of those statements are unethical. ” There’s way too many factors involved to promise a cure so I really appreciated him saying that. But I also appreciated the positivity and hope he gave me for my case. I’m young, otherwise healthy, have so many things to live for and already took the leap of faith to travel the world for this treatment. He’s helped so many people already go into full or partial remission for cases that were classified as “incurable” by other doctors. He may not be able to give me promises, but I know this is where I need to be right now. As he told me on our Skype consultation “50% is what I can do for you, and 50% is your beautiful mind.” This beautiful mind believes 100% that my healing is going to happen in Vienna. My mind is set on it. I’ve got way too many people cheering me on and supporting me in so many different ways for anything else to happen.
We left the clinic with our plan and were ready to head to our apartment to settle in for the evening. Unfortunately the person giving us the keys wasn’t ready for another hour so we stood around on the street outside the apartment in the cold looking like poor little lost tourists. The kids kept busy by being loud and obnoxious and annoying the heck out of us, but at least they were occupied.
We eventually got into the apartment and figured out the quirks of a European apartment. The one that cracks me up the most is the little toilet closet. You pee in one room and go to another to wash your hands. It’s bizarre to me but it works! 
We’re so happy to have a decent place to stay that’s a short walk to the clinic. It definitely makes our morning commute a breeze. Our biggest challenge so far has been figuring out the food. The supermarkets just aren’t the same here and we don’t know German which adds an extra challenge when trying to read labels. We’re figuring things out though! It’s all part of the adventure. I can’t wait to start exploring more and seeing all that Vienna has to offer. Healing and adventure, the trip of a lifetime that’s going to give me back my life.
Who Needs a Pancreas Anyway? 