Here We Go Again

It’s been another whirlwind couple of weeks and I can’t say it’s been in a good way. After arriving back to Canada I’ve been trying to get in to see my oncologist so that we can continue treatment while on my break from Vienna. But as with everything in the Canadian Health Care System, it takes time. Way too much time.

Over the last few weeks my health started going a bit downhill. My pain levels skyrocketed and the nausea and vomiting would not let up. I would have a good morning and able to have an outing, but by the afternoon the vomiting would start again. Sometimes only once, sometimes I was laid up for a full day in bed.

I finally managed to get an appointment with my oncologist, who up until this point had been on sabbatical, and we discussed my situation on Jan 24. I had a bad feeling about the guy before I walked in the room as I heard he was not very open minded. As we waited in the room for him to come see Peter and I, I said to Peter “I feel like this room is where hopes go to die.” And this doctor definitely tried to prove me right.

Before the appointment I had some bloodwork done and as I suspected, my numbers had shot up again. Being off treatment completely for over a month was too much for this aggressive cancer.

When the oncologist walked into the room, he was everything I expected: openly condescending and shooting me looks of pity the whole appointment. He completely dismissed any progress that was made during my time in Vienna and told me I wasted my money on treatment. He told me that he wanted to start me on another harsh chemo treatment and when I told him I would still like to stick to my plan that was laid out by Dr. Kleef and that I would be heading back to Vienna in March he closed my file and told me I should just stay in contact with my GP, completely dismissing me. Shocked, I asked him if that was it. He wasn’t even going to deliver low dose chemo for me? He reluctantly reopened the file and said we could do that. But of course that would take more time.

My CT was scheduled for Feb 4, he reschedule me to see him for Feb 12, and then we would start chemo a week or two later. For a guy that is an expert on pancreatic cancer, and keeps telling me all he can offer me is an extra month on the 4-6 month timeline they always throw at me, he sure didn’t seem in any kind of rush delaying my treatment by 2 months. He also left the room not even addressing the fact that I had been vomiting for 2.5 weeks or offering any kind of help. I left the room defeated, confused and angry.

By the weekend my vomiting was getting worse so Peter took me into emerg first thing Monday morning to get some fluids, help with the pain and perhaps speed along the CT so we knew what we were dealing with.

Thankfully, once in the hospital, from the triage nurse to all the doctors that saw me next, I was treated with compassion, had amazing care and not one person there was condescending or rude. They were supportive of the decisions I’ve made so far and so helpful trying to make sure I was taken care of and free of pain.

After being set up with anti nausea meds and pain killers, I told the emerg doctor that I would like the CT sooner than later as I was worried that things had progressed. He understood completely and called for one right away. Of course I had to choose a very busy day so we spent all day in emerg waiting for an opening, but they made sure I was comfortable during the wait.

The CT results came and while I wasn’t super surprised, it was disappointing. The spots on my liver have grown since my CT in September and the cancer has now progressed over to my left kidney and bowel. They were worried I may need a stent for my kidney as well so I was admitted that night.

I spent two nights in the hospital getting multiple blood tests, a chest X-ray and having doctors and surgeons review the results. By Wednesday afternoon I was more than sick of sitting in that hospital room. As soon as the surgeon came in to tell me he wasn’t concerned about my kidney right now, I asked if he had any issues with me going home. He was good with me going home. I then asked if he had any concerns about me traveling to Vienna in this condition. He saw no reason for me not to travel. So I immediately paged my nurse and asked to be discharged. Within half hour I was out of there. (Once again, thank you Mrs. Fick for teaching me to be assertive 😉).

I emailed Dr. Kleef that evening and we had a Skype call early Thursday morning. It was a breathe of fresh air speaking to him again. He shared in my disappointment with the oncologist. “Doesn’t he know this is pancreatic cancer?? It can’t wait. That’s completely irresponsible!” Then calmly went over my results once again from my time in Vienna showing how well the treatments were working and that he knows they will work for me again. He asked that I come as soon as possible back to Vienna as, at this point, March is too long to wait. He wants me to stay a minimum of four weeks.

So I got off the phone and started planning our trip for next week. My mom was already in Calgary helping out since I went into the hospital so it was nice having her there to plan this ultra fast trip to Vienna. So much for me being on the ball and making sure we were all booked in for March. Unfortunately, the apartment we had booked is not available for these early dates which means Airbnb cancellation fees, and Air Canada was not very helpful, so more flight cancellation fees. 😣 But we found an awesome little apartment even closer to the clinic. It’s bright and sunny and I think it will be an even better recovery spot for me. We rebooked our flights through WestJet this time going through London instead of Toronto. So now Mom doesn’t have to be disappointed that she can’t say she’s been in London. I keep telling her it’s only the airport and doesn’t really count but I think it still does to her 😉.

Our flight leaves Tuesday Feb 4 and we will arrive in Vienna Wednesday evening. My first treatment at the clinic will be on Thursday morning. I’m both nervous and excited to get things started again. I’m still in quite a bit of pain and my biggest concern right now is just getting through these plane rides without being a complete wreck. But I know people have done it in worse condition than I’m in. I know I have my mom there to help me along the way. (Although, I’m also counting on the wheelchair assistance because Mom is even more directionally challenged than I am. 😂) And I also know I’m a strong woman and can get through this.

On the bright side, I should look good for all this travel as before all of this started, I decided it was time to get rid of my Christopher Walken look and get fitted for a wig. So even though my body doesn’t feel amazing, I feel more like myself getting my hair back. I also decided to shave my head so when I need to feel badass, I just whip off the hair and go kick some ass. It’s a win win really.

So flights are booked, apartment is waiting, mostly packed, my treatment schedule is up, I think I’m ready to do the damn thing! Vienna, here we go again!