Chemo is a Son of a Bitch

I thought I had prepared myself for my first round of chemo, but boy was I wrong. That son of a bitch knocked me on my ass for ten straight days. Ten days of severe nausea and vomiting. I couldn’t eat. I could barely make it to the couch to get slight movement during the day. My eyes wouldn’t stay open I was so exhausted from being up in the night vomiting the small amount of food that I had managed to even keep down during the day. It was rough. So very unexpectedly and immediately rough.

Before chemo I did some research. I talked to people about their experiences with chemo. I read some forum posts and I even went to a chemo info session and got a tour of the Tom Baker Cancer Center so I could visualize what chemo was going to look like. I was pretty much told the same thing everywhere:

You won’t be sick DURING chemo, that happens next to never.

You’ll probably feel like superwoman for the first couple of days because of the dexamethasone.

You will most likely crash around day 3-4.

Armed with this info I felt like I had a good idea of what to expect and prepared myself accordingly.

Chemo day came on October 3. Peter wanted to be there with me so we packed games, loaded up the iPad with some good Netflix downloads and brought snacks to keep us occupied for the 5 hours we were expected to be at Tom Baker.

All hooked up to my port.

Warm blankets are the best thing about hospitals.

I was excited to be starting chemo, not even just “ready”, I was actually excited. My mantra of “chemo is medicine” running through my head I had completely pumped myself up to get this ball rolling and start kicking the shit out of these cancer cells. I was excited to spend time with Peter on our chemo date. Especially after our first hour of playing crib where I whooped his ass twice. But then things went downhill fast.

The chemo drugs they put me on are called Folfirinox. It’s a combination of four different drugs: irinotectan, oxaliplatin, fluorouracil, and folinic acid. I knew it was hard hitting but didn’t expect the speed in which it knocked me out. Within a few minutes of the second drug being hooked up I could feel the wave of nausea. They had warned me that it could happen with this one and to let them know. There is a shot they give most people before this drug but not everyone experiences the side effects so we had to see how it effected me on the first cycle. It hit pretty quick so I called the nurse and they gave me the shot. They assured me the feeling would go away right away. Well apparently I’m just a really special case because the nausea didn’t go anywhere and within an hour I vomited. They had to stop the IV for awhile to see if I could settle my stomach. No dice. It was there to stay. The rest of my time there was pretty much spent curled in a ball on my lounger trying to will the time away.

We finished up with the second IV and then I was hooked up to my “baby bottle” that pumped fluorouracil (5-FU) through my port for the next 46 hours. Once done at the hospital I headed down to my naturopath where I was starting hyperthermia treatments. This treatment consists of me laying on a waterbed with a large plate placed over my stomach directing targeted heat to my abdomen. The staff there were absolutely lovely and helped me get comfortable and made sure I was prepared in case the vomiting started again. Which is a good thing because that it did.

The next nine days are pretty blurry. Lots of zoning out, sleeping and puking and wondering when the hell I was going to catch a break. By day 9 I knew I needed to head to the hospital as I was pretty dehydrated from nine days of not being able to keep anything down. They filled me with three litres of fluid and changed up my meds to see if they could get the nausea under control. I felt better when I left the hospital but by that evening things got even worse again. I was absolutely done. That positive attitude I’ve tried to keep throughout this experience was long gone. I was exhausted, in pain, depressed and knowing that if I didn’t get a break soon there’s no way I could go on with another round of chemo.

Thankfully midnight brought me a break and much needed rest. I woke up Saturday morning feeling refreshed, without nausea and ready to take on the day. The timing of this was fantastic since it was the day the kids both had their first basketball games and I so wanted to be there for them. So finally after ten days of misery I felt like a normal human being again. I was able to watch four of the kids games, embarrassed the kids with my kitchen dance moves and finally got to join in on a family movie night which I’d been missing since I got sick.

Which brings us to today. I’m feeling good again. My attitude is back where it should be and I’m just enjoying not being a complete zombie. Hopefully this means I will have the next three days to just enjoy before the next round starts . Maybe get out of the house and actually see friends and think about something other than being sick.

As shitty as this experience has been so far, it sure makes me appreciate a few things even more, especially my husband. This man has stepped up in incredible ways. He’s been there for me 100%. Whether it’s keeping the house clean, the kids on task, making meals and keeping up with his regular honey do list. He’s also been by my side, holding my hand, rubbing my back, making sure my meds are given on time, cleaning my barf bucket over and over and just in general loving me through this sickness. I don’t know how I managed to get a guy like him, but damn do I ever know how lucky I am.

My mom has been driving back and forth from her house (2.5 hours away), staying for a few days at a time and making sure that I’m never alone. Driving me to appointments, trying to make sure I always have some kind of food that I can eat, sitting with me, praying for me, constantly making me tea, listening to every cranky demand, silently watching HGTV with me when all I can manage to do is zone out, being there for the kids and just supporting and encouraging me through this journey.

And then there’s my friends. I could write a book on this one as well. But I’ll keep it short. It’s been amazing to see the love and support that so many people have shown to me and my family. Even when I’m too sick to reply to messages, I see you. I appreciate you. I’ve cried many tears over how amazing you all are. So thank you. You all have done so much to help us and it means more than you can ever know.

One round down, eleven to go. We’ve got this.